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Numerous sounds keep me company as I pack lamps and tapestries -- boisterous laughs of knights as they celebrate Luciano, the clash of bowls and plates being packed away, the tinkling of bells as ladies play in the streets. Tears fall silent and unnoticed as I fold blankets and close boxes. Another year ends and we prepare for home, but we will return to play and complain of the weather and of England, to celebrate each other and ourselves, as we have always done and always will. I take a moment to steady myself before walking into the yard, whatapos;s next?
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Iapos;m almost 21. Iapos;d like to say it feels weird, but really itapos;s more like a relief. That itapos;s a relief is more weird than anything.

and i keep thinking, what do i want my first drink to be when i turn twenty-one. And that seems stupid and cliche, but for some reason itapos;s important. Like itapos;ll set the tone for my life or something. Go margarita and choose happy days, or choose something like a gin martini and choose alcoholism. This is one of those things i gotta decide for myself.

and iapos;m thinking scotch.

no reason in particular. But somehow scotch in the morning sounds good. And that worries me a little. I donapos;t know why.

and for some reason iapos;ve been getting really into british punk music. Odd stuff. Great stuff. Maybe i should go lie down now. Iapos;m kinda tired.
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Yesterday-
a very interesting night filled with laughter and well, probably the best feeling in the world. Things are good. Iapos;m glad they are back to normal. It took a week, but still iapos;m a bit annoyed. I just wish we could all figure out what we are doing, rather than taking a billion years. Idk.


i feel dumb. I donapos;t like my body. I hate my lanky arms and negs and my short torso. My oversized face and my huge lips. My nose is stupid. It never holds glasses or anything up. My eyes are stupid too. God. I hate my hair. Especially short. Even now, using my fingers i hate my finger nails. Basically i hate my whole body. But. Iapos;m going to look at it as an art project and scuplt it the best way i can..i love food..but..still. Idk idk idk.
ok leaving for yoga.
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KANDAHAR, October 18, 2008 (AFP) - Men on motorbikes shot dead a prominent pro-government Afghan tribal elder and his son, a former bodyguard for President Hamid Karzai, as they left a mosque Saturday, authorities said. In other violence linked to a Taliban-led insurgency, roadside bombs killed five civilians in the east of the country and a suicide car bomb wounded four international soldiers in the west.

Karzai condemned as un-Islamic the assassinations of Ali Ahmad Khan, head of the Barakzai tribe in the southern city of Kandahar, and his son as they left a mosque at about 5:00 am.

Kandahar government spokesman Zalmayi Ayoubi blamed the attack on the "enemies of Afghanistan," a phrase that refers to Taliban and other groups behind an insurgency that has accelerated in the past three years.

The assassinations in Kandahar follow those of a senior government official in the city days ago and its top policewoman late last month, both of whom were also gunned down by attackers on motorbikes.

The Taliban claimed responsibility for those two but not the latest on Saturday.

The militia, in power from 1996 to 2001, target international and Afghan security forces, government officials and people allied with Karzai's Western-backed administration.

Also Saturday, a suicide car bomb exploded outside an Italian-headed base of a NATO-led force in the western city of Herat and wounded four troops, the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) said.

The 40-nation force does not give the nationalities of its casualties, leaving this to their home nations.

A bomb in the eastern province of Paktika killed two civilian men and a child Saturday, a senior provincial official said. Late Thursday another bomb in the same area killed two other civilians, he said.

The ousting of the Taliban's extreme Islamic government in 2001 led the war-torn country into the insurgency which about 60,000 international soldiers are trying to help the Afghan forces defeat.

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Quite like the new faderhead album FH3. Glad it arrived before Whitby. They also sent a flyer for the alternative on the Fri night.

Did i mention i was dj-ing at the alternative at Whitby on the 31st? well i am guesting to friends Jon and Mandy who are running the night as their "bunker 13" guise. 9pm -4am. So you can come down after the spa closes if your going to that.

gonna be loads of fun and canapos;t wait to see what the new laughtons is like.


It would appear that my favorite sample cd company has dissappeared. Samplelab.com doesnapos;t seem to exist anymore. You can get a fwe of their cdapos;s from music tech shops. I just got spatial awareness for a tenner from ebay. Awesome. The production is so shit hot lovely package and easy to install for logic, and pretty inspirational too :)

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I gave my beautiful Delltop some m2m resuscitation and it came alive again, coughing and spluttering in my arms. Still it is weak, it is in a fragile condition, but I intend to give it all the care and attention it needs in its convalescence.

Agenda for today:

1) Read Lapos;immoraliste, or at least make it look like I have.
2) Stick some A4 pieces of paper together to make an A3 piece of paper.
3) Paint a picture for Wezz.
4) Research body jewellery apos;gaugeapos; sizes.
5) Smash up some acorns with a blunt instrument.
6) Wash the car
7) Hoovering

I think Wezz was with a girl last night. He was wearing so much Lynx that being near him gave me athsma.

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Celebrating my birthday today has definitely helped shed a new perspective on my life. Actually there hasnapos;t been much "celebrating" at all on my part and I donapos;t really plan on following through with any birthday cliches. Iapos;m not jaded, asking for pity, or being an ass, Iapos;d rather have an enjoyable day doing what makes me happy than mimicking lines from a childrenapos;s book. Iapos;ve heard countless times to "treat" myself with a food that is not in my diet or to splurge on an article of clothing if I see fit, but at the end of the day I am much happier following my normal routine and path that I have set out for myself. We never know what to expect from any other ordinary day so why should we expect more just because we happened to be born on a given day?

We all naturally have hopes, and with our annual birthdays we tend to get the hopes up in lieu of the fact that this is "my day" and I want all of my dreams to come true on this specific day... Or else When some or none of those hopes fall in our favor, we then get crushed because birthdays are supposed to be this huge, giant party that is built up by society. Iapos;ve learned not to let my expectations get the best of me, particularly in situations where Iapos;m programmed to expect the most.

I stumbled upon this new perspective through a trait I tend to take for granted sometimes: sincerity. My family and friends mean the world to me but it wasnapos;t until today that I realized that I could possibly mean the same to them. It began last night with a few early birthday texts, myspace comments, and facebook wall posts. I didnapos;t think much of it until I woke up this morning with text, after text, after text. I received, collectively, hundreds of calls, texts, messages, posts, comments, and e-mails from every person I could imagine. My family, of course, friends, peers, an internet zine, random fans, people whom I havenapos;t talked to in over a decade, and so on. It really put me back in my seat to realize that I have had an impact on all of these people in some way, shape, or form for them to go out of their way to wish me a happy birthday. The impact doesnapos;t have to be life-changing but itapos;s obviously enough for people to show their appreciation.

My birthday was spent like any other day on tour. I woke up at 7:30 AM, stretched, brushed my teeth and documented it, made my way to the breakfast room, had my hard-boiled eggs, turkey, oatmeal, coffee, and daily newspaper, proceeded to do my push-up routine, took a shower, checked out of the hotel only to sit in the van for 9-hours while we drove from Pocatello, Idaho to Kennewick, Washington to stay the night. We stopped for dinner at Qdoba and I had my status-quo meal of a grilled chicken salad, got back in the van and a few hours later made it to our hotel. Right now Iapos;m sitting in the laundry room catching up on the internet and making sure I have clean clothes for the next week or so. Just a normal day but it was made special by my family, friends, and peers.

Thanks to everyone for making my birthday something to remember. Itapos;s really the little things in life that go a long way and make more of an impact than any of us could imagine.
-JD
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2003: Seven game series. Blown late in the game by Grady Little.
2004: Seven game series, Sox are the first baseball team EVAR to come back from a 0-3 deficit.

2005: Red Sox run face-first into the unstoppable White Sox
2006: There was no 2006.
2007: Seven game series. Red Sox come back from a 1-3 deficit.

2008: With another 1-3 deficit, the Red Sox spot the Rays to seven runs before exploding for 4 in the 7th, 3 in the 8th, and then 1 in the 9th.

Back to St. Petersburg
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Still sick.�

I went back to my doctor on Tuesday.� After a long discussion he put me on Biaxin, his rational was it was either try this or send me to the hospital for IV antibiotics.� The problem is I seem to be one of the small percentage of people who have ldquo;transient CNS eventsrdquo; which for me includes horrible insomnia. Irsquo;m still weighing the pros and cons of that decision.� Physically there are signs of improvement, my throat feels better, there is less sinus pressure, and my horrible hacking cough has turned productive. However, instead of sleeping last night I drifted in and out of a semi hallucinogenic drowsing state, today I feel foggy and dissociative.�

Tonight I may try Ambien; though I am hesitant to do so. I spent much of last year on the rollercoaster of diminishing returns on sleep with Ambien, and after weaning myself off the stuff, finally managed an approximation of normal sleep with melatonin and 5-HTP. In any rate, I may be calling my quack again.
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